Lauhgter da best medicine

As he was approaching the teller's window at his bank, a man tripped and careened forward. Fortunately, he caught himself before he fell.

"Apparently, sir," the teller said, "you came here to get your balance."

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After taking a course in organic gardening, I couldn't wait to start planting. My husband took our three children on a weekend canoe trip so I could have two uninterrupted days.

The first day I spent preparing the soil, shaping it into four large raised beds. As I stood resting on my hoe, admiring my work, I noticed a neighbour eyeing me curiously.

"I'm doing my planting," I explained.

"Oh," he said with relief. "I thought you'd just buried your family."

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My parents had one of those old-time rotary telephones. This drove my brother crazy. Once, he misdialled a long-distance number and had to do it all over again. ''Mum,'' he asked in frustration, ''why don't you replace this thing with a touch-tone phone?''

''If we did,'' my mother said, ''your father would never get any exercise.''

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I was shopping at the mall with my four-year-old son, Seth, when he ran ahead of me down the escalator. As I followed him down, I spotted him in a fountain, fishing for coins. His winter boots were keeping his feet dry while he scooped up the money. Through clenched teeth, I hissed, "Seth, get out of there!"

He looked up at me coming down the escalator and hollered, "But, Mum! It's real money!"